Being a Lady Hiddlestoner is a fine art. It takes practice. These tips can help you shift from an obvious fangirl brimming with lust and excitement to Lady Hiddlestoner: refined, cordial, in control. You are the Helen Mirren of fangirls — the passion is there, but you only let it out when YOU want to. (These suggestions are especially useful if you are a grown woman who has to appear as if she is a Serious Adult from time to time. Ahem.)

1: Get a separate email account to use for your Tumblr. Nothing says “fangirl” like your husband asking you to check if the phone company emailed the bill receipt to you, and when you open your email in front of him, a new message with a subject like SEXUAL-LOKI IS NOW FOLLOWING YOU appears. I mean, I have heard that this is true. Obviously that didn’t happen to me. Don’t be ridiculous.

2: Refine your poker face. Do this by watching mild Hiddleston media in full view of your family and friends. Learn to scream internally, not externally. Keep your hands in your lap so they don’t flail. This skill will come in handy when you get a sitter and go see Iron Man 3 with your husband, and the Thor 2 trailer comes on the screen and you are in the middle of the row with no escape.

3: Separate Twitter account. For obvious reasons. Tweet @twhiddleston rarely, if ever.

4: Never speakers, always headphones. This is nonnegotiable.

5: Find a friend to fangirl with. You have to let it out sometime. If no Hiddlestoners are available in your area, a Cumberbabe will do. They understand.

6: Throw them off the trail. If your husband teases you by asking who your Hollywood crush is, mumble something about Channing Tatum (I know, I know. Just trust me on this). He will never even suspect that a wiry English Ichabod Crane is dancing through your lightest thoughts.

7: When you must crack out on Hiddleston media, vary your Netflix and Amazon Prime “Recently Watched” lists by sinking “Wallander” and “Thor” and “Cranford” episodes within the midst of huge swaths of innocuous programming like Ken Burns documentaries and Gilmore Girls. You only have to turn a show on for about five seconds for it to show up on your Recently Watched list. A little time spent on this avoids a lot of inconvenient questions.

8: YouTube is your friend. Make sure you sign out of your real-life Google account before you use it, though. That “Watch History” list is a real bitch otherwise.

9: Make sure you are really alone before you start talking to your computer screen. Seriously. Scan the whole house. Nothing primes suspicions like you making accidental moaning sounds or releasing strings of sailor-style curses when a new photoshoot appears on Tumblr. Keep it locked down, sister.

10: Be nice to your pets. They’re telepathic, so they already know all about you and your dirty secrets. Keep them well-stocked with their favorite treats and they will keep your knowledge to themselves. They are mercenary, but they are loyal. Your careful providence will keep them this way.

11: Finally, remember that there is strength in numbers. Connect with other Lady Hiddlestoners online. You need to know that someone out there understands why you compulsively buy Earl Grey tea every time you go grocery shopping. Don’t suffer alone. There are others out there like you.